"To control premature ejaculation
you have to know
the cause of it"
There are usually only two things that will cause premature ejaculation:
Anxiety and
Inexperience
If you come to fast and want help to
control premature ejaculation, you have to learn to
recognize either one, or both of those problems in your sexual
live. Rarely is there a physical cause
for premature ejaculation, as many manufactures of desensitize
sprays and creams want you to believe.
They lie when they tell you
premature ejaculation is caused by you being hyper sensitive.
On the contrary it is more likely you haven't felt the sexual
sensations enough to learn to recognize them.
Now, lets take a better look at the
two causes (Anxiety and
Inexperience) .
Anxiety causing premature ejaculation
Anxiety can off
course been caused by many things, but most common cause for
comming to fast is performance anxiety.
- You want to look good.
- You want to
do good.
- You want to please her.
- You don't want to feel the shame
of being less than average.
...but, if you
are to stressed your tension gets the better of you, causing you
to come too fast.
There are many other causes for anxiety. You might be scared of getting her pregnant.
You might be worried of getting
diseases . You might be
afraid your mother finds out, or god finds out (seriously).
There might also be some tension between you and your partner.
Something unspoken. There is no way to have intimate sex when
there is angerin the air. This can easily
led to anxiety causing you not being able to control your premature
ejaculation.
When I had
my worst case of premature ejaculation friend of mine helped me by
pointing something out.
My girlfriend was dying to get pregnant. I had no
awareness of this. And even less awareness of my fear of
becoming a father.
...but
after we talked it through, and she
owned her longing and I owned my fear, I managed to control my
ejaculation way better than before.
After this I started to notice that what
caused my premature ejaculate was often some unspoken anger I had
towards her, for what ever reason. My best way for controlling
premature ejaculation, was to talk everything out before we
had intercourse.
Inexperience causing premature ejaculation
This does not
necessary mean you haven't had lot of sex.
Friend of mine has been with over hundred women, and I
still consider him inexperienced.
Why?
...Because, beside the fact that he can't control
his premature ejaculation longer than half a minute. Most of his
sex live has only been one night stands, or few weeks
flaw.
Considering this he has probably not been inside a
woman for more than few minutes his whole live (and you
thought you were bad, smile). He has never been really connected
to any woman. And I don't think he has ever felt the sensation
of sex deeply enough to learn to recognize the stages men go
through when they have sex.
Having sex men go through four
stages:
- You get aroused, you have a
hard on and can enter the woman.
- You pump in and out, the
tension grows stronger, and stronger.
- You come to the point of no
return, you wont be able to control the ejaculation.
- You ejaculate, and usually come at
the same time.
...Now, if you are not experienced with the sensations of
those stages, you wont be able to recognize the feeling when
you are getting closer to stage four. Therefore you can't take
the necessary action to control your premature ejaculation.
The best way to learn to recognize
the sensations is to do some exercises and techniques, I talk
more about them later.
So what solutions do you have for
anxiety and inexperience that cause premature ejaculation?
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